What he does, and does not do, right now

Understands that actively despising a rat-faced colleague at 10:00 pm or thereabouts requires a 5mg tab of favorite yellow medication to mute and morph the image of rat-faced colleague into a sheep.

Has never had a favorite color.

After a divorce once purchased a used chartreuse Fiat and for two years, until the Fiat rusted through, made numerous people unhappy.

Once felt that owning a leather bomber jacket and combing hair like Dwight Harrow —someone he realizes you will never know— would change his life, which it did, but so did induction into the U.S. Army, and so has everything else.

Remains perplexed and saddened at discovery of fact that Jewish husband of Jewish 2nd cousin is a Republican.

Bought a new knit cap and no longer resembles the inventor of the Aqua Lung, a thin and now dead man whose name he can not spell and is too lazy to look up.

Because neighbor across the alley, a shrill and gristly-faced man who insists on holding onto a grudge —obliquely pertaining to a tipped over trash receptacle— has (going by the look of the fellow) already expired and so has decided against the purchase of a Bushmaster Carbon 15 R97S Rifle with extra magazine for $1,768. Instead has purchased a highly touted 32 inch Panasonic LCD for $778 (approx) and has learned much about the troubled oscillations of the world during the sixty-five hours he has so far logged in.